A Single Dad to Heal Her Heart Page 3

  ‘No, I don’t suppose you did.’ He got to his feet and picked up his mug, hefting the ice pack in his hand and avoiding her eyes. ‘This thing’s thawed. I’ll get you another one, then I’ll make some more coffee and sort my stuff out. Do you want another drink?’

  She shook her head, half mortally embarrassed at her off-the-cuff remark, and half tantalised by the idea of Matt’s really rather gorgeous body so intimately locked with hers.

  ‘No, I’m fine.’

  She heard the door close behind her and stifled a groan, then dropped her head back against the sun lounger and closed her eyes.

  Why had she said that? She’d never be able to look him in the eye again. Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot!

  But her body was still caught up in the thought, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry...

  CHAPTER TWO

  SHE DIDN’T MEAN it like that.

  Obviously she didn’t mean it like that, but the idea was in his head now, the thought of his body buried deep inside hers flooding his senses and driving him crazy.

  He closed the kitchen door, put the tea towel back into the freezer, switched the kettle on again and then dropped his head against the cupboard above and growled with frustration.

  What was wrong with him today? First the kiss, now this?

  For the first time since Juliet, he wanted a woman. Not just any woman, but Livvy, apparently, and the thought wouldn’t leave him alone.

  All he could think about was peeling away her clothes and kissing every inch of her, touching her, stroking her skin, feeling the warmth of her body against his, the hitch in her breath as he touched her more intimately, the heat as he buried himself inside her—and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

  Should he be feeling like this? It had been two years—two years and a week, to be exact—but was that long enough? He didn’t think so, but his body didn’t seem to agree with him.

  What do I do, Jules? Where do I go from here? I’m not ready for this...

  He heard a sound in the living room and opened the door. Livvy was limping across the room, hopping from one piece of furniture to the next and then leaning heavily on it as she hobbled.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘I thought I’d go and lie down for a bit, then maybe pack?’

  ‘Let me give you a hand.’

  ‘I can manage.’

  Stubborn woman.

  ‘Of course you can, but only until you run out of furniture.’

  He reached her side, took her arm and slung it round his neck and wrapped his other arm round her waist, being careful of her ribs.

  ‘OK?’

  She nodded, and as she took a step forward there was a sharp crack and she gasped.

  ‘Was that your ankle?’

  ‘Mmm. Ouch.’

  They looked down and she flexed it gingerly. ‘Oh. It feels better—like something was hung up.’

  ‘Try putting some weight on it, but carefully.’

  She did, and nodded. ‘Better. It’s still very sore, but that definitely feels better.’

  ‘OK, well, don’t push your luck and don’t try and weight-bear on it unnecessarily until you’ve had it X-rayed. Let’s get you to your room.’

  When they reached the side of the bed he let go carefully and she eased away from him, taking all that wonderful warmth and softness with her. Just as well. Except that instead of sitting down, as he’d expected, she looked up at him, slid her arms round him and hugged him, bringing all that warmth and softness back into intimate contact with his starving, grateful, desperate body.

  ‘Thank you,’ she murmured.

  His arms closed around her without his permission. ‘What for?’ he asked, his voice a little strangled.

  ‘Just being you. You’ve been great the last few days. It’s been so much fun—well, till I wrecked it.’

  ‘You didn’t wreck it.’

  She tipped her head back and their eyes met. ‘Yes, I did. Stop being nice, Matt. I know I was an idiot.’

  He laughed softly and kissed her without thinking.

  Just a brief kiss, nothing passionate or romantic, but still the sort of kiss you’d give a lover, a partner. Someone you were intimate with. And he wasn’t intimate with Livvy, and wasn’t going to be. He wasn’t ready yet, and he had other commitments that had to take priority. Would always have to take priority.

  So he straightened up, trying to distance himself when all he wanted was to topple her backwards onto the bed and make love to her, but her eyes had widened, and after an endless moment she reached up, pulled his head gently back down to hers and kissed him.

  Properly, this time, her lips parting, her tongue tangling with his, reeling him in, sending his senses into freefall.

  He wanted her.

  Every cell in his body was screaming for it, for her, for the heat, the passion, the closeness. He could feel her body pressed against his, feel his roaring to life, the ache, the longing in both of them as he kissed her back with all the pent-up need of two years of loneliness and putting himself last.

  And then abruptly she let him go and sat down on the bed out of reach.

  ‘Is that your phone?’

  Phone?

  The ringtone was almost drowned out by his pounding heart, but it dragged him savagely back to reality.

  ‘Um—yeah. Yeah, it is.’

  He pulled it out of his pocket, slightly dazed, took a step back and turned away, clearing his throat and groping for a normal voice.

  ‘Hi, Sam. Are you done?’

  ‘Yes—we’ve just reached the track. How’s Livvy?’

  Kissing me...

  ‘She’s fine. I don’t think it’s broken. I’ll come and get you.’ He put the phone back in his pocket and turned back to her without meeting her eyes. ‘That was Sam,’ he said unnecessarily. ‘I’m going to get them. Will you be OK?’

  ‘Of course I will. You go. I’ll see you later.’

  He nodded, his heart pounding, his body screaming for more, his head all over the place.

  What was going on with him? How could he want her so badly?

  He had no idea, but he didn’t have time to deal with it now, and maybe never. Stifling regret, he picked the keys up and walked out.

  They loaded the car after lunch, did a final sweep of the lodge for missed possessions and set off on the six-hour drive back to Suffolk. She was in the front beside Ed to give her room to stretch her foot out, and Matt was behind her with Sam and Beth, with Lucy, Dan and Vicky in the rear.

  She sighed quietly, and Ed shot her a searching look.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Well, apart from feeling guilty for getting the best seat and ruining everyone’s day.’

  ‘You do a lot of that. Feeling guilty. You don’t need to, at least not around me. It took you and Matt out and distracted Sam enough that Beth and I won, so I’ve got no beef with you,’ he told her with a grin, then his smile gentled. ‘Livvy, why don’t you just close your eyes and rest? You’ve had a tough day.’

  She nodded, wishing again that she hadn’t fallen, that she hadn’t kissed Matt again in the bedroom and made things awkward, that she was sitting beside him and taking advantage of the last few hours they had together, instead of being in the front with a damaged ankle and a feeling that she’d overstepped the mark with that kiss.

  Would he want to see her again? Maybe, maybe not. If his phone hadn’t rung, what would have happened? Would they have made love? Maybe, and that surprised her because she didn’t do that sort of thing. It hadn’t even been on her radar for the last five years, but she’d never fallen into bed with someone she knew so little and certainly not after only three days of casual flirting, but maybe he didn’t do that sort of thing either, because when Sam had called him, he couldn’t get ou
t fast enough. Had she read him wrong all weekend?

  Highly likely, judging from his reaction, although he’d been with her all the way when they’d been kissing—or she thought he had. His body certainly had been, but maybe not his head.

  Well, it didn’t matter, the moment was gone, the bullet dodged, and it was just as well because there were things he didn’t know yet—things she’d have to tell him before this went any further. If it was even going to, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

  Probably just as well his phone had rung, then.

  * * *

  What was wrong with him? Why was he reacting like this?

  She was right in front of him, so close that the scent of her shampoo, so familiar now, was drifting over him and taunting him just like it had all weekend.

  How could he want her like this? He didn’t even know her—and three days under Sam’s embargo of any personal information or discussion of life back home or in the hospital hadn’t helped with that at all. She was still an unknown quantity. And if he knew nothing about her apart from that she was Oliver’s daughter, she also knew nothing about him, about his life, his family, his motivations, his commitments.

  He could have told her, could have broken the embargo and spilled his guts, but he hadn’t wanted to. If he was honest, he’d enjoyed the freedom of simply being himself, without all the baggage that went with it, but there was no way he could take it any further than a mild flirtation without her knowing a whole lot more about him. It wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be honest, and there was a world of difference between being frugal with the truth and denying the most important things in his life.

  And anyway, he had nothing to offer her, nothing that wouldn’t be an insult.

  He rested his head back and closed his eyes, but she moved her head and the scent drifted towards him again and there was no escape.

  Halfway back they stopped for a drink and a leg stretch. Ed and Sam swapped places, and yet again she wasn’t next to Matt, who was now right in the back, as far away from her as he could get. Why hadn’t he offered to drive? Was he avoiding her? Maybe, after that excruciatingly embarrassing remark she’d made, not to mention the way she’d kissed him afterwards. She still couldn’t believe she’d done it, it was so unlike her to take the initiative, and she’d probably embarrassed the life out of him. Oh, well, they’d be back soon and she’d see then if she was right or not.

  Finally Sam pulled up in front of her house and Matt climbed out, retrieved her rucksack and helped her into her house, then paused on the doorstep looking troubled.

  ‘Will you be OK on your own?’

  So he was avoiding her, or he’d offer to stay with her. Sucking up her disappointment, she straightened her shoulders and plastered a bright smile on her face. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’ve got friends round the corner if I get stuck.’

  ‘You’re sure? No headache, no abdominal pain, no spinal issues? Numbness, tingling anywhere?’

  She sighed. ‘Matt, I’m fine,’ she said patiently, and he gave a brief nod.

  ‘OK. Get checked over tomorrow, won’t you—or sooner if...?’

  He hesitated a moment, his eyes locked with hers, and for a fraction of a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he smiled wistfully and reached out and touched her cheek, brushing it lightly with his knuckles. ‘It’s been a lot of fun. Thank you, Livvy. Take care.’

  And with that he turned and walked down the path and got back into the car, and Sam pulled away, leaving her staring after them as they turned the corner and disappeared.

  She closed the door with a sigh, hopped into her sitting room, lowered herself carefully onto the sofa and put her foot up.

  So that was the end of that, then. So much for hoping something more might come of it. He could have stayed, or offered to come back after Ed had dropped him off, but he hadn’t, and all she could do was accept it. Not that she was looking for a relationship, in any way, but it would have been nice to be asked. Nice to be more than just fun.

  Unless he was...?

  Oh, idiot. He was married. Hence the guilt in his eyes, the reluctance, the harmless dalliance that didn’t break any vows but just made it a bit more fun.

  That word again.

  She rested her head back, closed her eyes and swallowed her disappointment. She was tired. Tired, confused and sore. That was all. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened...

  Her phone rang, and she answered it.

  ‘Hi, Dad. How’s things?’

  ‘Fine. How are you? How was the weekend?’

  Confusing...

  ‘Great. I’m just back, actually. It was fabulous. Well, until this morning on the way up to Haystacks when I fell off the edge of a path and twisted my ankle.’

  ‘Ouch! Are you all right? How did you get down?’

  Fast, but that wasn’t what he meant and she wasn’t telling them she could have tumbled all the way down to the bottom of the scree slope if it hadn’t been for the rock. ‘Carefully,’ she said with a wry laugh. ‘Two of the guys helped me back to the path, and then Matt carried me down. You know him, he’s one of your old registrars. Matt Hunter? He’s a consultant trauma surgeon at Yoxburgh, and he was my teammate.’

  ‘Matt? Wow,’ he said softly, something slightly odd in his voice that puzzled her. ‘How is he?’

  Even more puzzling. ‘He’s fine. Why?’

  ‘I just wondered. I haven’t seen him since his wife died.’

  She felt a slither of cold run down her spine. ‘His wife died?’ she said, her voice hollow, because she’d just worked out he was married, but he wasn’t, or at least not any more...

  ‘Yeah. Juliet, and they had two tiny children. She had a brain haemorrhage while we were at a conference, and she didn’t make it. I’m sure I told you about it. It must have been two years ago.’

  That was Matt? She felt sick. ‘You did, I remember. Oh, that’s awful. I didn’t know it was him. So he’s got two little children?’

  ‘Yes, a boy and a girl. They were just babies, really. I suppose Charlie must be nearly three now, and I should think Amber’s about to start school, but it was desperately sad. He’s a really nice guy—friendly, funny, easygoing, but rock solid and utterly reliable. I’m sure he’s a brilliant father.’

  Her heart ached for him. ‘I’m sure he is.’ And it explained the thing she hadn’t been able to identify that lurked in the back of his eyes, and the fact that, embargo or not, every night he’d disappeared for a few minutes.

  To check the children were OK, and talk to them?

  And it also explained why he’d left her this evening rather than come in, and why he’d looked torn about it. Not because he was married, but because he had two little people who would have been missing him.

  ‘So he seemed OK to you?’ her father was asking.

  Had he?

  ‘Yes, absolutely fine—or I thought so. He didn’t say anything about it, but Sam had banned us from talking about home or work. It was all about having a clean slate and not making pre-judgements about each other, but I would never have guessed all that in a million years.’

  ‘No, I don’t suppose he’d show it, anyway. He probably wanted to leave it at home. I hear he’s an excellent surgeon. He showed huge promise nine years ago, so I’m not surprised he’s a consultant now. I think he was only about thirty-four or so when Juliet died, but he’d done a spell with the Helicopter Emergency Medical Service, and by the time she died he was a specialist registrar in a major London trauma unit, poised and ready for a serious consultancy. It’s a massive career change for him to move to sleepy Suffolk, but it’s obvious why he’s done it. I know his family are in the area. Give him our best wishes when you see him again, and tell him we often think about him.’

  ‘I will. So—talking of fathers,’ she said, changing the subject because frankly sh
e needed time to let all that lot settle, ‘how are the plans for your sixtieth coming on?’

  He laughed ruefully. ‘I have no idea. Your mother’s sorting that out, but I believe we’re having a marquee at home and a catered buffet and dancing. Jamie’s doing the playlist so goodness knows what the music’ll be like, and Abbie and your mother have chosen the menu but I have no idea what’s on it. To be honest I’m trying not to think about it because I don’t feel that old, so I’m in denial.’

  She chuckled softly. ‘Well, if it’s any consolation, Dad, you don’t look it, either, so I’d enjoy your party and go with the flow. So what have you guys been up to over the weekend?’

  * * *

  He let himself in quietly, and found his mother dozing in the family room. He closed the door softly, and she stirred.

  ‘Hi, Mum. I’m home.’

  Her eyes blinked open and she smiled. ‘Oh, hello, darling. I must have dozed off. Did you have a lovely time?’

  He stooped and kissed her cheek and dropped onto the sofa beside her. ‘Great, thanks to you. How’ve they been?’

  ‘Fine, if a little wearing. Have you been worrying?’

  He laughed softly. ‘Not really—not about them, more about being so far away. All the what-ifs. You know...’

  ‘Yes, of course I know. I knew you would be, but we’ve all been fine. They’ve been as good as gold all weekend. I’ve only just put them to bed but I’m sure they won’t mind if you wake them. I would have kept them up for you but they were shattered. They’ve been really busy. Amber’s drawn you hundreds of pictures, and Charlie’s helped me in the garden, and we’ve been to the beach and made sandcastles with the Shackleton tribe, and we went there on a play date this morning as well, which was nice. They’re lovely people.’

  ‘They are. And it was a godsend that Annie let Ed take their eight-seater car. Getting around up there wouldn’t have been nearly so easy without it, but poetic justice, he and his teammate won the challenge, which was good.’